| | Heeeyyy Reader! Wow. It's been a while. Much has happened since my last post. For one thing, SUMMER IS HERE!!! WHOOOO!! And I weigh 120lbs!!! YAAAAH!!! Hah hah.
But yeah, on to the serious news. I don't know, recently I've been feeling so overloaded with school, family and relationships. Just the stress of everything is piling up so fast and one minute I have to be here and the next minute I have to be there, but oh wait all the free time I have I have to spend with my Grandma (who's visitng all the way from HK). Gah. Too much stuff. In fact, the only reason I have time to write this post is because I'm waiting at school for my bus to arrive and I didn't bring my laptop so I can't study. Pretty pathetic huh? I think God's just been tellign me to sloooow down, take a breather, and just concentrate on the task at hand. I don't think I multitask very well :(
On another note, I managed to work up the will to delete some (not all) of my downloaded mp3s. Originally, I had around 13 gigs (or 4,500 something tracks) of music saved on my computer, whether it be rock, Christian, soundtrack-ee-junk, or oldies disco (hah hah SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER!!!). I managed to delete up to 1,600 tracks but I'm still not very satisfied. Why did I decide to finally do this deed? Well, one thing is people around me were really guilt-tripping me to do it (hah hah) and another reason was I honestly felt guilty for having such an excessive amount of stolen (yes it is stolen) material. But for the longest time, I've been pushing aside those feelings of guilt in favor of feeling satisfaction whenever I listen to new music or download an album from some artist. Man let me tell you; deleting stuff is HARD. See, cuz I'm the type of guy who, if I'm not watching TV/movie or sleeping or eating or geetar-ing, I'm listening to/researching new music. I liked finding new artists and then listening to their stuff...and then downloading ALL their stuff to listen to. But aaaugh it has to end! Besides, I've discovered a great site called radioblogclub.org (kudos to Tori) which gives me "enough" tracks to listen to. Still getting over the withdrawal symptoms to all that deletion but hey, it's coming. Hopefully, I'll be able to work up the nerve to delete the rest of my downloaded stuff (i.e. movies, tv shows, programs [noooo not Adobe Premiere!!!])
Wow so much has happened. Srry if I seem like I'm overloading you with all this junk. CCF committee meetings started in May and they've been going ok. We've been really praying for unity and stuff and yeah, still hoping for more unity, more transparancy and more comfortability with each other (is that even a word?). It's nice getting to know people better and stuff. Brian and Karen's wedding was last last Saturday...? Man, going to someone else's wedding really makes you think about when you'll get married...or when you'll finally find that special someone...or if you will ever find that special someone. Hah hah. Pray for me.
Recently, I've been struggling with a lot of feelings of unworthiness, but in the bad sense of the word. So it's not the kind of feeling where you're humbled and amazed at God's power and authority, it's the kind of feeling of "oh woe is me, I'm so useless etc" I don't know what brought up these feelings; maybe it's from my long buried insecurities or self-esteem issues. Like just feeling like you're not worthy of something or someone or that maybe God is wasting His effort on you. But like I stumbled across something in my devos today; Luke 12:22-34 about the "Don't worry about tomorrow" stuff. Like Jesus compares us to ravens and lilies and always ends off with "how much more valuable are you". And in verse 32, He says "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been please to give you the Kingdom". That's a refreshing thought. Even though I may sometimes feel rotten and like I'm dirt, God is greater and He is merciful; we are His children and He is our Father. How can a parent hate their child, or how can a child be unworthy of their Father in the Father's eyes? If that were the case, He wouldn't be much of a Dad would He? But He's the perfect Father, therefore we too are worthy in His eyes, even though we are not in actuality. That's a really comforting feeling.
Anyways, I have to go catch my bus. My long wait is over hah hah. God bless!
Cheers.
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| | Posted 6/7/2007 8:35 PM - 66 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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